While you've probably heard that the Alexander Technique has something to do with posture, there's an even more fascinating piece of the puzzle. This piece has to do with reactivity and how it can either help or hurt you in high stress situations. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to share this work with a group of moms and their new babies. A lot of them were shocked by what they learned about their own reactivity.

For many, moving into a new phase of life can bring a lot of stressful situations. I shouldn't have been surprised that these new parents were all in when we started discussing regulating reactivity. I'm not even talking about regulation of reactivity in our children. I'm talking about regulating it in ourselves.

Many things that cause us to have big reactions are things that we have habitual responses to. This means that instead of taking time to decide how to respond, we have a preset, a previously learned way to behave when a particular thing happens. This can be followed by disappointment or shock that we didn't have the response that we thought we would. Have you ever experienced this?

Whether you've overreacting to your pet making a mess or your kid spilling a glass of juice, here's a simple tool to help make more conscious choices. In the group of moms, we used it to explore our automatic reactions and consider how we might respond differently.

Practice saying "no."

With a friend or family member, take turns asking (or telling) each other to do simple tasks. When they ask you to do something, either think or say "no" aloud. Then, notice how this feels to you. Saying "no" can be a lot more challenging than we imagine. Just like other skills, we may need practice to get comfortable with it.

Over time, we learn to say “no” to automatic habits and choose different paths. This simple practice gives us space and freedom to choose how we behave in various situations. 

Like the women in this group, you may find yourself having unexpected responses to this activity. Some giggled, some had sweaty palms, one said she felt closer to her young daughter (who frequently says “no”). Each person found something uniquely interesting about playing the “No Game.”

Over the next week, I invite you to give this game a try. Start with simple requests and make it harder if you'd like. What do you think you might learn about yourself from this game? Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Curious how reactivity relates to your posture? Sign up for a free consult and see if Alexander Technique lessons might be right for you.