Hi Friends,

I'm sending this message out to a couple of close friends and family members. I hope it finds you well! I've recently found out something about myself that begins to solve so many struggles and challenges that I've experienced my entire life. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and want to share some info with you. If you do not have the space to receive this info right now, please don't feel any pressure to continue reading. If you are curious/want to know more, read below.

First, I am elated to receive this diagnosis. I've struggled with feeling like I don't fit in, with feeling incompetent and
"not good enough" for as long as I can remember. This diagnosis starts to explain why I've felt these things and helps me to appreciate myself more than I ever have. So, thank you for being here and celebrating and learning with me.

A lot of things are misunderstood about ADHD, things that I didn't know until these past few months. So, I am reaching out to share my experience and what I've learned. To begin, the name “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder” is an old and outdated name. The biggest problem with this name is the word “deficit” because ADHD is actually an abundance of attention not a lack of it. I’ll explain that a bit more in the paragraphs below.

ADHD is often thought of as a disorder that affects mostly young boys. When we think of the symptoms we think of physical hyperactivity (running around, talking excessively, bouncing off the walls, not tending to homework etc.). While ADHD can manifest in this way, this type of ADHD is the rarest. The popularization of this concept has led to a misunderstanding of the disorder as a whole. While society, doctors, and teachers are only looking out for these "bouncing off the walls" symptoms, much more common and "silent" symptoms go unnoticed. A few of the less noticed/known symptoms include obsessive thinking, inability to begin or continue a task, “daydreaming,” sensory sensitivity, extreme emotions, and hyper fixations on certain topics.

ADHD is an executive functioning disorder, this means that the part of the brain that manages planning, organizing, time management etc., is not functioning in the same way that neurotypical brains do. You heard that right, ADHD is a type of neurodiversity along with autism, dyslexia, synesthesia and many others. It is associated with a dysregulation of dopamine and norepinephrine. The imbalance of these two chemicals causes the brain to constantly search for extra dopamine by attending to things that are deeply interesting and stimulating. It also means that doing activities that don’t provide enough of these chemicals can become nearly impossible.

While ADHD is commonly misunderstood as a lack of attention, it's really the opposite. The mind is using so much attention, in too many places at once (searching for a dopamine hit), that it can be challenging or impossible to stick with one thing for a long time. ADHD is a disorder of extremes, so while there are episodes of attention moving quickly from one thing to another, there are also periods of “hyperfocus,” or continued extreme attention to one thing over a long period of time. These periods of hyperfocus are all-consuming and generally feel euphoric, though may cause the person experiencing them to forget to attend to other important things (like work, homework, drinking water, etc.).

There are three main types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive, and combined. I (along with most people with ADHD) have been diagnosed with combined type. This means there are aspects of inattention and hyperactivity. I learned that hyperactivity doesn't often primarily show up physically. Instead, it shows up as a hyperactivity of mind, thoughts, even emotions. When physical hyperactivity does show up in most adults with ADHD it shows up as fidgeting, bouncing legs, skin picking, head scratching, and other similar types of seemingly obsessive behaviors. 

Emotional Dysregulation is common among adults with ADHD. This can show up as being very sensitive and having extreme feelings. Personal example: I always feel that I am at one extreme or the other, either very disturbed or euphoric, never simply content. I've wondered about this for a long time, so I am relieved to find out that ADHD is a possible explanation. I've also found myself experiencing RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). RSD is also a common trait in ADHD. This is an extreme aversion to the idea of someone rejecting you, someone being offended by you, or people otherwise negatively responding to your existence. It becomes a problem when it interferes with your social life, work, and personal relationships. This too can become obsessive despite efforts to control it.

It's very likely for comorbid diagnoses and issues to arise with ADHD like depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction, disorder eating, eating disorders, etc. It's very common for someone to seek treatment for one of these things and then be diagnosed with ADHD as their primary diagnosis. I have been self-treating and in therapy for anxiety, OCD, and disordered eating (similar but not the quite the same as what we think of as an eating disorder), for a while. My therapist suggested I be screened for ADHD a year ago. Now that I've done research, I'm AMAZED to realize that my anxiety, OCD and other issues have probably always been rooted in ADHD, which is a genetic imbalance of chemicals in the brain.

ADHD has long been thought of as a “boys’ disorder.” Thousands of adults, especially women, have gone undiagnosed because no one knew to looks for symptoms. While many doctors and therapists are still working with outdated information, it’s really important to follow current information while researching. Even today there is limited research on ADHD in woman and girls. We do know that fluctuating hormones in women throughout the month and lifecycle greatly affect the severity of ADHD. Symptoms of ADHD are likely to increase when first starting the menstrual cycle and during menopause. There is a correlation between ADHD and women who suffer from other hormonal disorders like PCOS. It is this fluctuation of hormones that has caused women to be left out of research for so long and often makes having ADHD a disability and source of pain and confusion for women. 

Finally, ADHD is found in 4% of adults and is believed to be hereditary. Studies reveal that a child with ADHD is four times as likely to have a relative also diagnosed with the condition. So, one of my goals in sharing here is to help spread awareness and an updated understanding. If you'd like to chat, ask questions about my experience, or debunk common myths feel free to reach out.

Thank you so much for reading,

Cassie